An Author’s Anticipation

Seeing the Advance Review hardbound copy of From Ashes into Light, which I received right around my birthday (a lovely gift indeed), I was impressed with the new cover. It gave me hope that anticipation fears around the release of this novel could yet be overcome. There have been some challenges around the book’s birth, a process that began in the 1990’s.

This morning, I resolved to sit in a supported version of the yoga asana, Badrasana, or the Gentle Pose, for as long as I could. It was dark when I began and light when I finished. Two hours passed, but there was no clear sense of resolution, because I had not known I had a question. A couple of things, however, did make a strong impression.

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With my eyes closed, I saw the image of a tree whose leaves quivered with energy and sparkled as though they they were green jewels reflecting light from within. I delighted in this vision until it faded. Shortly afterwards, a bird hit the sliding glass door. I opened my eyes and saw the bird falling to the ground. Quickly, it shook itself and glanced with a surprised look in my direction. The bird walked around a little as if to get its bearings and then flew off. I closed my eyes again, but it was time to get on with my day.

Things don’t always go according to plan. I had not been feeling well for two days. The wind has been overbearing for weeks. My body struggled with sneezes until I found the right combination of herbal remedies. I don’t see a better path forward than to accept that all the things I would like to accomplish today, tomorrow, or the next day; it may not happen exactly how I might wish. I look for small achievements.

I send a thank you to the friend who shared her Thought for the Day: “If you don’t know fear, you cannot be fearless,” a quote by Pema Chödrön. I answer the phone in the middle of writing a sentence. I get clothes out of the dryer and fold them. I wait for that deer I saw yesterday in the backyard to return. There was something about her that seemed hauntingly reflective and regal. I am grateful for the gift of healing tears, and I am very happy the bird survived.

 

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